One day God needed to take a break from making stuff to go attend to some other urgent business. Usually when this happens, He gets one of the archangels to take charge of the production line but they were all off on a company team building, all-expenses paid cruise to see some icebergs. The only one left up in Heaven who wasn't already otherwise occupied with harp or horn playing was Bob.
"Bob, I need you to do something," said God.
"Sure thing, Boss," said Bob.
"I need you to finish making these dogs," said God. "It's really easy. Here are all the instructions you'll need. See? It's a chart. It tells you which head to pick from this pile, which body from this pile, which tail from this pile and which legs from this one. You throw them in here, set the dial to 12 and give it about seven minutes, more or less, and you're done. Got it?"
"You can count on me, Boss," said Bob.
So, God went running off and Bob got busy. He first looked at the chart God had given him.
"These combinations are so boring," thought Bob so he sent the chart off to the rock making department and decided to improvise.
Things went pretty smoothly at first. Bob made big dogs with big heads and long legs, medium sized dogs with medium sized heads and mid-length legs, small dogs with small heads and short legs. Some had short hair. Some had long hair. Some had curly hair. Some had heads with extra I.Q. Some had heads with especially sensitive noses. Things went smoothly until Bob got to the end when he discovered he had a bunch of mismatched parts. He could've sent the parts off to recycling but not wanting to be one short on the quota, Bob decided to make a dog out of them anyway. He threw the parts into the maker machine and seven minutes later, this dog came rolling out:
When God came back and saw what Bob had done in not following His directions at all, He was royally pissed.
"Bob, you really screwed up this time," God roared. "There was a very specific, pre-determined, recipe for making these dogs and you've totally mucked it all up. What am I going to do with these things?"
Bob lowered his head and dared not look into God's angry eyes.
"I mean look at this mess!" and God picked up the last made dog and stared at it. Surprisingly, it stared back, not shy, not afraid, unlike all the other creatures God had made. It squirmed about in God's grip, it's short legs paddling the air and its big ears flopping about. God brought the dog closer to examine it and the dog licked God's nose.
Bob almost fainted.
All the harps and horns of Heaven went quiet. You could've heard a feather dropping onto a cloud.
And then Heaven heard a sound it hadn't heard in a while. It started as a low rumble, then became a waterfall and pretty soon God's laughter shook the very foundations of the universe. He hadn't laughed like that in ages.
"I like this," God proclaimed and there followed much rejoicing in Heaven.
Later, after the partying was over and the dishes were all done, God picked up the short-legged, last made dog and said, "I think I will call this one Mr. Snorgleface."
"I was thinking about calling him a Basset Hound," said Bob.
"Don't be ridiculous," said God. "What kind of a silly name is Basset Hound? He's Mr. Snorgleface."
"Sure," said Bob and then wrote down "Basset Hound" anyway in the "Product Name" blank on the work order.
The best way to check on the adoption status of this dog (and other dogs and cats and other small domestic animals) is to visit Toronto Animal Services or call 416 338 6668 for the Toronto Animal Services South shelter.